It was during my college. She was gorgeous and took my breath away the very first time I saw her. I am not sure if it was love or lust. But, I was insanely mesmerized by her beauty. Everyday I used to go to the college a bit early just to watch that fresh pink face with fresh vermilion on her forehead. I had very less number of friends, and zero who I could trust sharing my love/lust. So, I kept it to myself. I wrote stories about her, even some poems. I was lost in dreams and nobody was stopping me.
Her name was Meera. No, not the real name. It was the name I gave her and wrote everyday in my personal diary. Today after so many years, I still remember that Meera who I finally got to kiss and sleep with. Sounds like a lust story? Yes, it was lust and I am sorry I knew it all along. I don’t regret it, though. I was too young to control myself or admit my mistake. So far the story is a common story, don’t you think? But, you’ll obviously start judging me when I tell you that Meera was not my classmate like you thought but our Science lecturer who was at least 15 years older than me.
I was good at my studies. Thankfully, that part wasn’t disturbed. I got good scores, especially in her subject. In 1 year time, I had become her favorite student and the class representative. Good for then-me I was getting closer to her. I did so many things in class to pull her attention and to become much closer. I used to eat my lunch along with her. I used to collect stuff for her, I used to fix her laptop when it had issues and that’s when it happened. Another year passed, and it was in those holidays before our final semester. We’ve become almost like friends and one day, she had some issue with her laptop and asked me if I could come and fix it. Well, I was already looking for my bike keys just when she said that. I knew her husband works overseas and has a 2 year old child. When I got there, yes, it was just her and her kid. I was shivering and I didn’t know why. Well, that was then-me. I now know why exactly I was shivering. I fixed her laptop and we kept talking some random stuff, not Science. It all came to me. I tried to control myself but I couldn’t. I don’t want to explain how it all happened but I kissed her first and she did stop me first but not the second time. One thing lead to another and we ended up on the bed. I admit it today, I can’t keep that to myself anymore. Everyday I feel like that kid is watching me doing all those things to his mom. After that day, we never talked to each other, even if I get a chance I don’t think I’ll be ready to apologize.
-Rahul from Kerala(Pseudonym)
Sometimes you know it’s wrong, but you go along with the flow. Sometimes it takes more than courage to open up to what you thought was love. But, the point is, can you open up to it? Can you stand tall and admit to yourself that you were wrong? Are you willing to lend ears to what this person has to confess? Read and share your opinions for Rahul.
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Categories: Secret Refuge